The Liquid Temptation
A doorbell rang as she entered the cafe. Warm air surrounded her immediately and she opened her jacket and loosened her self-made scarf which was made out of wool in amazing autumn colours. The incredible scent of deep roasted coffee reached her nose. Her favourite. She yawned. A yawn is a silent scream for coffee – that’s what her mum used to say. She stood in the line while putting her hair in a bun and singing to the current song that came on the radio. Then she remembered that she was in public and she got quiet. The doorbell rang again as someone opened the door and the cold wind from outside came in and crawled over her skin. She looked around and watched people trying to hold up conversations. Hot steam came out of the fully automated coffee machine and you could hear that hissing sound spreading around in the marvelous furnished cafe.
Prose Until Dawn 
Ah, that morning coffee, nothing like it. Good short story, Prose! Try: “A doorbell rang instead of ringed (ringed means having rings around it, like a ringed snake)… and just to tie it in, when you use that line later, say, “The doorbell rang again as…” By slipping in “again” it reminds the reader of the beginning of the story and it creates motion in the mind. Just tricks of the trade, really. The picture is perfect for the story.
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Yes, I will change it, thanks a lot! 🙂
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